Welcome to another SimpleCyanide top 10 list! This week we give you the Gayest moments in Videogaming.

If you are yourself gay then please don't be offended by this article, but instead feast your eyes on the sumptuous moments of gay gaming history. Heck, feel free to loosen those leather trousers, pop out the butt plug and have a good old rummage to these gayer than gay moment...



10) Fable - Experimenting

Fable, a masterpiece of a game - giving you the choice to craft your hero into whatever you desire, be you good, evil or gay...



More often than not, while dancing or farting for an enthralled crowd you would think yourself a big - manly man as every woman in the vicinity fell in love with you. But what's this? A heart over the head of a swarthy gentleman? Well i'm flattered but... oh you too? Well... i always open to new experiences...
BAM - you've taken him to a tavern for some sweet bum love and you're gay.



9) Halo 1, 2 and 3- Teabagging

Halo, you all know what it's about. Super soldier master chief blowing up the best part of a species once a game in an orgy of well orchestrated FPS mayhem. Brilliant games, until you get online...



You're just minding your own buisness when Bang! Some crafty beggars popped out from behind a rock and shotgunned you to death. Ah well - nothing to do now but respawn right?
Wrong. Mr. Shotgun comes up to your poor, defenceless corpse, and while you are forced to watch through the deathcam - gently squats on your face. Again and again...
BAM - balls in your mouth and you're gay.



8 ) Super Mario Bros - Luigi, in his brothers shadow...

Aah the Mario games, classic bits of platforming history. A simple tale from a simpler time of two brothers bouncing around a world trying to rescue a princess. Or at least one of them was...

Poor poor luigi... Mario had the princess, so what on earth was he after?
Ever noticed how he was always a step behind Mario? Content to stay in his brothers shadow? I can reveal why.
Luigi was bum hungry for Mario, and the sight of that constantly bouncing fat red arse was the only thing that kept him going. It explains the cowardliness, the surprisingly dapper dress sense (green is so in this season), and the bolemia.
BAM - you're watching Mario's sweaty buttocks jiggle when he jumps and you're gay.



7) Mass Effect - The Best Kind of Gay

Mass effect, another game where you decide the fate of your character, and team. A vast, lovingly crafter universe with literally hundreds of places to explore. Some of them sexier than others...



It would be remiss of me to not include this, the most scandalous video gaming scene since the hot coffee affair. Totally blown out of proportion by the media, the hilariously clandestine scene is about as sexy as a loaf of bread.
Still - it does represent the best kind of gayness - lady gay. Lady gay is a pleasure to all who view it, and may well eventually be the cause for world peace. God bless it.
BAM - Lady parts touching ladyparts and you're gay. But it's cool.



6) Kirby's Dreamland - Kirby visits Fire island

Such a cheeky, innocent game and character is Kirby. He flops about the place with reckless abandon alternately devouring and destroying the world around him. Whatever could be gay about pure, innocent and sweet Kirby? Lots and lots...



First of all he's pink. now apparently it's a very masculine color, but when you're not wearing pants people are going to ask questions. It's like you're advertising yourself...
Secondly, whenever he does anything right (like beats a level) he calls his similarly pink clad pals and has a good old rave and dance.
Finally, he sucks. Oh dear god he sucks. A mighty slurp of his powerful gob sucks just about anything into it, regardless. It doesn't matter if you've eaten the whole man - there's still a cock attached to it.
BAM - You're sucking the enemy into your gob to be shat out as stars, a little bit of penis brushes against the roof of your mouth and you're gay.



5) Soul Calibur 2-4 - Voldo's revenge

Soul Calibur, a fast paced weapon based fighting game. Brilliant character design merges with solid balanced combat to provide a satisfyingly meaty experience. What could possibly be a gay about a game that shows off more cleavage and booty than most games put together?
Voldo slithers into frame...



He dresses in tight, spikey leather - with black underwear that rides waaaay up his ass crack. He is a gimp's gimp. But that's not the worst of it...
It's a special feeling the first time he does his more outlandish moves on you... he slithers around your feet, sits on your face, nibbles on your ears... its as gay as it comes.
BAM - A freshly oiled jockstrap falls into your fear paralyzed hands and you're gay.



4) Final Fantasy 12 - The Cutest Waistcoat

Let's face it, the final fantasy games have always been a little bit gay. Sometimes the line between gay and emo is a fine one, and it's all too easy to have your emotional, sensitive hero suddenly like the taste of cock. However Square Enix went one better when they made Vaan...



Observe Vaan, a heterosexual by name only - sporting this year's hot new accessory, the nipple waistcoat. As you can see it protects both his body jewelery and sensitive nurps from the ravages of sword cuts and monster bites.
Even his voice was gay, and not good gay either -but whining attention seeking gay, the sort who only eats yogurt and spends every morning panicking over whether they've got enough moisturizer to last the day.
BAM - Catch yourself staring into those boyish eyes, before your gaze strays downwards to that tiny waistcoat and those pink... tender nurples - and you're gay.



3) Army of Two - Guy Love

You and your best buddy are the hardest mercenaries in the world. You hop about from country to country and kill people. Preferably foreign with a hint of turban, cos you're American. Oorah.
But why?



As everyone knows, gayness falls into two categories - butches and femmes, Manly aggressive butches and ladylike, delicate femmes. And gay couples are made up of these two elements, it keep them in balance and for want of a better word 'sane'.
But what if, due to some freak accident of gender preference- two butches got together?
Basically this game, they would storm about the place - smacking each others arses and blowing the hell out of everything that moved because it's easier than sorting out thier personal problems... like who's on top tonight?
BAM - You reach to give your teammate a pat on the back, you miss and touch his bum and you're gay.



2) Cho Aniki - It's here and it's queer. We got used to it.

Yeah... I was researching for this article when i came across this...



This so very nearly made it to the top of the list, words cannot even describe how gay this is. If you're up for some really eye offending overmuscled super-gayness then google this shit now.
it's what gears of war characters must look like in the showers...
BAM - You catch yourself playing this game and you're gay. Really freaking gay.



1) Metal Gear Solid 2 - The Gayest Character of all time.

Aah the metal gear solid series, brilliant combinations of cinematics, plot, characters and gameplay coming together into one terrific whole. This series bought us perhaps the best loved character of the last two console generations - Solid Snake. A man's man, who smokes cigars, kills people, sleeps with spies and kills people. Basically James bond with stubble and a vat of testosterone.
And then suddenly he vanishes in the second game and you are given control of...



Raiden, the ultimate betrayal. Hideo Kojima's greatest 'fuck you' to his fans. This effeminate ladyboy pranced onto our screens twirling his handbag in what could have been the greatest game of all time. Instead we were served with his whiney, pasty frame and a stealth suit so tightly tailored that the man had obviously had his genitalia surgically removed.
When snake had a torture scene, it was cool and macho. Raiden does it in the nud and you can't help but hear him cry out in exctasy, biting his pillow and dreaming of fudge. His arguments with his imaginary girlfriend only put the final nail in his coffin.
From her attitude, it's clear that he hasn't given her anything worth having in the bedroom for quite the while - and more than likely spends his evenings towel whipping his way around the mens-only sauna and spa.

Raiden - you are the gayest character of all time. Congratulations.

BAM - You escape from prison with him running around nekkid, when suddenly a guard comes out! Oh noes! You run towards him a fling a high kick... your quarterised junk flops into view, you get a slight thrill from the thought of the guard seeing it... you stop the kick halfway to plant a delicate kiss on his forehead aaaaaand you're gay!